i have been comparing myself to a lab rat for long, so here is how it feels to be a living and free lab rat living amongst people
lets start from why i even call myself a lab rat, i feel like i am one, theres no better word, i could call myself a sick person or something but that doesnt describe my feelings as well as 'lab rat' does, i feel like everything being done to me, doctors, medicine, mental health stuff, hospitals, even talking to people sometimes feels like a lab experiment and i am their test lab rat, this is what i mean :
when it comes to doctors i feel that its super invasive, everything is being overdone, being called things and so on, apparently being anorexic means youre super hard to look at, it feels like they picked the worst specimen to see what would happen to a weak person if they had this treatment
medicine-wise it feels like im a test subject of all drugs, i have to drink many, i hate drinking them, so i dont, at this point i dont give a single fuck, i am tired of this lab rat feeling, it affects my whole body, not only my mental health, but physically i just feel much weaker when my mind is at lab rat stage, im never free from it
mental health too, the same thing as to doctors applies here, it feels like theyre talking to me just as a weird experiment, like a lab rat being talked to on drugs to see how it affects the rat or something, like some weird ass research project that would change something, idk
hospitals feel like lab rat cages to me, 4 blank walls, maybe 1 or 2 extra people in the same room, single door, quiet, sterile, controlled, fed with drugs and shit food, forced, no free will, prison, a cage, a lab rat cage, i just cant stand that, every year i have to stay in a hospital between a 1 week and 2 weeks bc of heart stuff, i hate that feeling, once they had no places in the hospital to stay for me, they let me go home, it was nice at least
and when i talk to people, sometimes, it feels like theyre just doing it to see what happens, to see how will i respond to certain things, like say some outrageous stuff about my beliefs or identity or just talk to me because im autistic or something, it just feels like theyre poking me around to see what moves, what doesnt, how i react, like giving rats different drugs to see how it affects their problem solving ability or something, like giving it a maze, drugging it and telling it to solve it again, its stupid
it feels like a living nightmare being a lab rat, i feel like im constantly being watched, judged and experimented on, every decision i make, every move i make, i feel like im being monitored and judged, i feel like im being treated like an animal, like im nothing more than a lab rat
i feel like im being treated like a test subject being given drugs to see what happens and how i respond to them, like a game of poking around, like im being manipulated and controlled, like im a puppet in some weird ass experiment
im being treated like a specimen, like im nothing more than a test subject, a lab rat, nothing more than a piece of living flesh and a pea sized brain to be poked, tested, monitored and just living a life of a lab rat stuck in a cage of life
i feel like im constantly being tested, examined, like im nothing more than a lab rat in a maze covered by a glass pane, i feel like im being treated like an object, like im nothing more than a tool for someone elses gain, im im a lab rat, nothing more than an experiment
im like a rat in a cage, im being observed and studied, im nothing more than a specimen in an experiment, not even an experiment, just random, useless poking around for fun, like im nothing more than a test subject in a lab, in a cage, covered by a white sterile drape, with wires going out and in to my brain, muscles, tissue, food and water
thank you for listening to this rant kinda, now you know how it feels to be a living lab rat in a maze of life, maybe you can relate too, maybe both of us are just 2 sad little rats, separated by a sterile, white cloth, well never see each other, but at least we coexist <3