Hello, World,
I'm Arija, a neurodivergent, trans girl-near-woman from Lithuania. The longer I live here, the more conflicted and ashamed I feel about my identity as a Lithuanian. In this post, I want to share my personal experience and reflect on the current events and bullshit that feeds into these feelings.
This blog post is a follow-up to my edit of my "You are not paid to listen to this" blog post in which I said:
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I've also been trying to make peace with Lithuania. After going to Vilnius, I realized it's probably just my part of Lithuania that's shit, well, at least that's how it seems to me. I haven't spent enough time in other areas to be sure, but that's my impression.
Edit 2025-08-13: Disregard the above paragraph; holy shit, the militarism rage in this country is insane, and I am nothing but disgusted and repulsed by this: How will 17 year old students (I've heard there's talks about making it 16 soon) and 8-10 year olds be of any use as soldiers in the Lithuanian army??? This is immoral, and - quite frankly - disgusting, disturbing. This is a life-breaking choice for young Lithuanian men that the Lithuanian government made for them. Hell, they even come to schools to say how "cool and good" military is! This happened in my gymnasium, too, as well as some people I know/knew. I do not stand with such propaganda-level military tactics, we are literally back in the cold war - did we learn NOTHING from history??? The solution isn't to end young lives with aspirations for the (low-key Big Brother and Stalin ass) goals of The Country -- the solution is to overthrow the idiots running this world. I swear to my fucking god I am so close to dropping my dreams of software engineering and going to politics, because I am so done with these idiotic decisions: End. This. Idiocracy. How am I supposed to make peace with a country preparing to "fight the Russian regime", while it itself is turning into one? Not only is this country hurting me and my people, but now also another very much powerless group - children. This is nothing but Authoritarian tactics and Campism!
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I hope this post offers some insight, or maybe even helps open the eyes of the idiots in power who keep pushing this country further down the idiocracy hole.
I am done guzzling the saggy bussy of the rising Lithuanian regime and of the people who are making this place horrible for people like I to live in this country. My stomach is overflowing with the bussy juices.
# Identity
Let me begin by clarifying my identity as a whole before I delve deeper into the feelings I am experiencing.
I am Lithuanian, and I make this known clearly throughout my website, domain name (ari.lt), social media profiles, biographies, etc. It has always given me a sense of belonging to connect with like-minded Lithuanians online who understand me. In the past, my encounters on networks like the Fediverse (e.g., Mastodon) and others with the Lithuanian community were almost entirely positive, which contrasts sharply with my everyday experience living here in Lithuania Minor.
That said, I don't hate Lithuania as a place. I'm fine living here. I appreciate the beauty of the nature, and outside of Lithuania Minor, my interactions with people have generally been acceptable. So, it's not the country itself that I resent - what I truly struggle with is the political and economic situation, as well as the baseless conspiracy theories that increasingly shape how this wannabe regime is governed. It feels like the country is moving towards authoritarian methods, and that deeply disgusts me.
I am extremely opposed to the militarisation of society, the social isolation that many endure, the growing exclusion of people from opportunities, the education system that feels neither stable nor well integrated, and this contributes to a lack of a safe and supportive environment for people to grow and succeed, including me being in an overlap of multiple minorities, especially in a conservative country like Lithuania where any divergence is greatly looked down upon.
In the following sections, I will explore these topics further and share more about why these matters affect me.
# The Icky Stuff
The current path Lithuania is taking is deeply troubling - it's moving towards a hyper-militarised regime.
Mandatory military service has been brought back for young men aged 17 to 23 (or until 26 for deferred service), regardless of residency, and the rules around health and education exemptions have been loosened considerably. It seems that an educated population does not fit with this government's vision, which leans increasingly more authoritarian. Schools have turned into grounds for military propaganda. Children as young as eight to ten being taught how to operate drones with the narrative that they are training to "fight the Russian regime". 17 year olds face constant pressure to enter military service (this is a likely future of 16 year olds soon as well), while posters praising militarisation hang prominently in schools.
This is not exaggeration: this indoctrination is real and intensifying. For real-life examples, it's how it is in mine, my sibling's, and friend's schools. Ironically, Lithuania, which positions itself as resisting authoritarianism in the terrorist regime of Russia, is implementing a level of militarisation at home that feels more extreme than what it condemns in Russia or other regimes. Hell, it's even making ties with Israel while making fun of the people protesting against it in the news! This happened this summer I believe.
Nevertheless, this militarisation is only one piece of a much larger, worrying picture. Lithuania is not an easy place to live for people like me.
From early childhood, I have faced relentless bullying and exclusion simply because of my neurodivergence, my identity as transgender, and other fundamental parts of who I am. These are not isolated feelings but widely reflected in harsh realities. For instance, Lithuania's score on the Trans Rights Map by Transgender Europe highlights this painfully clearly: in 2023, it scored a mere 4 out of 30 points, improving very slightly to 6 out of 32 in 2024. Though there are glimmers of progress, Lithuania remains far, far, far behind many more progressive first-world countries, which judging by many factors, Lithuania shouldn't be this far behind.
Instead of focusing on building a safe, inclusive, and stable environment where all Lithuanians could thrive regardless of identity, the government continues to push rigid, hyper-conservative policies alongside militarisation. It feels like every step forward for social acceptance is pushed down by negative reinforcement and metaphorical conversion therapies. Maybe it's time to stop building a miserable concentration camp and start cultivating a Lithuania where young people don't feel an immediate need to flee after finishing school?
The neglect doesn't stop there. Neurodivergent people are frequently disregarded in this country, suffering isolation, exclusion, and stigma. I've personally encountered dismissive and invalidating remarks like "You're not autistic enough", which disregard an essential part of my personhood. Sadly, this is not a rare experience. Official statistics reveal that nearly half of children with disabilities in Lithuania are still taught separately from their peers in isolation, an outrageously outdated practice that only deepens their marginalisation.
The education system hasn't evolved to offer genuine inclusion and support for difference in any way. This is my experience and what official sources say as well as what my experience was thus far.
Economically, the situation is grim as well. Lithuania's wages lag behind many other European nations, and career opportunities - especially in technology and innovative fields - are distressingly limited. There is a paradoxical stance towards technology: social media platforms like Facebook are treated with extreme suspicion and fear like cavemen first time seeing a fire, while large corporations like Microsoft have their picopenises ridden 24/7.
This absurdity reflects a broader trend in the Lithuanian society, which has become alarmingly egoistic. The question "How does this affect me directly?" is often yielded as a convenient excuse to ignore the needs of anyone who doesn't fit the narrow mould of a white, cisgender, heterosexual, neurotypical, middle-class, able-bodied, blindly-compliant man.
This country seems to prize conformity over self-expression. The governance system uses flawed logic and even pathologises people's voices to maintain authoritarian control - a pattern that has been a constant throughout Lithuanian history and my nearly 18 years on this planet, not just a recent development, and this preference for uniformity over diversity stagnates creativity and progress, as very much evident.
The political landscape is as uncertain as ever, even more so than other sectors - the government is indecisive, frequently adopting and discarding foreign policies and systems without building stability, while this political chaos further contributes to widespread unhappiness and marginalisation, feeding into already high rates of depression, alcoholism, and drug abuse. They simply state "ban X" and "ban Y" without doing anything to solve the core issues outside of jailing anyone who doesn't give them head.
Socially, people who don't fit rigid societal norms are judged harshly as probably clear as day from my previous comments. There is a persistent pressure to "act normal", ignoring the simple truth that identity and change are not a matter of choice or claims to uniqueness, but an intrinsic part of life. While rhetoric might encourage "embracing uniqueness" in reality, only blind obedience and rule following are rewarded or even tolerated. My attempts to feel even slightly happy in this country has only ever resulted in me being simply shunned and bullied for it - what kind of "identity" is that? I see being called slurs on the daily or being limited by authoritarian systems as anything but encouraging.
Big Brother was never meant to represent a unique individual, but an oppressive regime. I guess the fact that the undereducated idiots in power discouraging any form of critical thinking or creativity because they've grown up in the same cycle have taken the character too literally - a metaphor of a "unique 'personality'".
Oh, and, the corruption in this country is still a huge problem. I am so used to this I nearly forgot to mention it :')
Being different in Lithuania today is an uphill battle: there is a deep, often unspoken demand for uniformity, coupled with disturbing undertones of Aryan ideals that cause profound pain and alienation for anyone who doesn't conform or dares to rebel. Bullying and authoritarianism saturate daily life and isolation prevails. Opportunities are scarce, wages are low, and prices are high. The government remains unstable and authoritarian methods continue unchecked. Human rights are routinely disregarded, often excused by an inflated national ego. Propaganda is on the rise, militarisation is ramping up, indoctrination grows, and education remains far from ideal.
Life in Lithuania is a struggle for most people - even if they don't always realise or admit it. And for those of us who don't fit the narrow, oppressive norm, it is brutal.
So why am I ashamed to be Lithuanian? And why haven't I left yet? Keep reading to find out.
# Shame
The more I think about this sad excuse for a rising regime, the more disturbed I become by the reality of living in this country.
The sheer amount of pain I've endured here - being silenced, ignored, and repeatedly shouted over without any space for thoughtful, diplomatic discussion - is overwhelming. Every time I tried to raise my voice or take action, I was met with the blunt demand to either comply or leave. When I tried to voice concerns, too often I was simply dismissed, or met with someone angrily yelling, "SHUT UP!!!!! NO-ONE WANTS TO LISTEN!!!"
I am not exaggerating. Take, for example, when I tried talking about philosophical topics in philosophy class, y'know, the class where we are supposed to talk?, only to be shut down and talked over. During presentations, I was hurried along with commands like "go faster", "don't present", "leave it out". Over time, I learned to lower my voice to avoid these reactions, but this sickens me.
It's the things that sicken me and # The Icky Stuff that fuel this profound shame. Anyone who meets me and learns I am Lithuanian might associate my identity with an abusive, restrictive, propaganda machine (and they have!). But I refuse to accept that. I don't stand for my pain. I don't stand for the clowns currently in power. I don't stand for anything connected to the current state of this country. Instead, I stand for human rights, education, freedom, creativity, and inclusion - not isolation, arbitrary illogical systems and bans, and idiocracy.
I have carried wrath and shame about being part of this country. I am ashamed of a culture that shuns difference and starves individuality. I am ashamed of the hyper-primitivism and enforced uniformity. I am ashamed of illogical, pigs representing a community to which I belong. I am ashamed that people who don't fit the Aryan, narrow mould, people like me, are isolated and limited. I am ashamed that Lithuania demands silence. I am ashamed that I'm not allowed to be myself, or to live in a community I want and need to help improve. Instead, I am trapped in a land that resembles a Mormon sect, and I am not living for that nonsense; thus, I live isolated.
Through all the anger and discomfort, I've reached my limit. I am me - Arija. I am not meant to keep suckling on the anuses of pitiful Lithuanian systems. I am done.
But, at the same time, I cannot completely abandon a core part of my identity - being Lithuanian.
So all I can do is stand for a better Lithuania, not for the regime. For now, I'm holding on. Lithuanian identity is perhaps better than belonging to none at all. Like a ground brick, it can be shaped into clay. Without even dust, I have nothing.
But yes. After this, we move onto leaving.
# "Just Leave"
I am. At least, maybe? Honestly, I'm not sure.
I don't know if I want to endure Lithuania any longer or if I want to move away. I'm considering relocating: perhaps back to Germany, where I spent some time, or maybe one of the Nordic countries, or even Switzerland. But I didn't grow up in those places. Lithuania shaped me, and that's where the conflict I'm wrestling with comes from.
I like being Lithuanian. But I'm not a Nazi, and apparently, that makes Lithuania very unhappy, which, in turn, makes me miserable.
Right now, though, I'm stuck in the education system. Sure, it's far from ideal - unstable, uncertain, and stressful - but it's better than nothing. It has given me enough foundation to think independently and write this blog post expressing my feelings. It's not so oppressive that it disables me completely, but it lacks any semblance of creativity, critical thinking, or general real quality of education. When it comes to most things, I mostly rely on my own knowledge and initiative to self-educate.
I have to give credit where it's due: Lithuania provided me with the basics. But for the average person here, the preparation is woefully inadequate. This is how you end up with the idiots currently ruling in politics - the very same people responsible for the disgusting, repressive systems I've described above. People who despise change, who cling to arbitrary values, who love illogical bans, and who actively shun good education and creativity. Because nearly all the Homo Sapiens are leaving, what's left to govern Lithuania is Homo Sovieticus.
Absolute cinema.
# Closing
I am simply ashamed. The shame gnaws away at my skin, overwhelming me every day. Because this feeling is such a core part of me, I've decided to put it all out here.
But when it comes to life in Lithuania, I am done. Done sucking up to a system that bleeds the life and spirit out of me, making me ever more so miserable.
Thank you for hearing me out. Until next time :)